she smelled like a LAN party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
