erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
