Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
