my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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