Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
