Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
