it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
