Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
