Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
