i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
