i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
