if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
