You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
