I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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