I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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