You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize