Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
