I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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