Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We got so high we made milksteak
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
