Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
