Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...so i touched it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
