sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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