apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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