dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize