I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
