sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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