No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
