I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
