i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
