I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He passed out mid-signature
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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