i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
