Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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