when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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