So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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