dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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