He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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