Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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