her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
