a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
