There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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