she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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