I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
