i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
