All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
