When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Im part way to drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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