if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
