why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
