Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
