How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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