Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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