Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
