On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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