Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
