So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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