You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
