so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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