I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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