He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
