Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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