of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize