i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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