I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
