from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
