it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
