my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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