Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
