the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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