I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
kristin has been a bad kristin
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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