high people should be assigned attendants
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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