why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
